Sugarbelle Paige

Opponents; I’ve had a few. I will start this what should be a somewhat short post with words that might not make too many people decide to not read further. I know Paige will read it regardless of how I come across. That should never be a concern. She has read everything that I’ve written here and commented quite freely along the way. Her comments have very anxiously tried to make me aware that NO ONE would give any ear at all to attempts that I’ve made to somewhat repair fractured relationships with family members, perhaps most notably that of my father; a relationship she chose to throw away herself some time ago for her own reasons. I have done what I can to point relationships of mine with other people to a more positive directions and have received statements from her like “you can forgive but not forget but we (WE) will neither forgive or forget the hurtful things you have said about this family.”

I am unable to ride fences in the way that some can effectively do. I get mad and it shows, but this post is not “all about me”. Recently. I reached out to a few family members to let them know of my current predicament when I could clearly see that I was about down to the nub. A couple responded appropriately, a couple responded in ways that I truly appreciated and gave thanks for and a couple responded in quite negative ways. One of those negative reactions was when I wanted to make sure that I certainly would not be allowed back into 4344, so I checked my mother who became angry when reminding me of things that I’ve said. I stopped her there, saying that “I’ll just stay where I am.” I knew I wouldn’t be allowed back, but I double checked. The reason I can not be allowed back, I believe, is probably because the girl with the bad temper that Paige has displayed since she was 3 and become well known for as an adult would be in the same house. Perhaps I could get so agitated some day that I could do something physical. I wouldn’t but I could. So, it is probably best to keep an easily agitated disabled person away from a person that has consistently chosen to further agitate him at seemingly every turn. That would be wise.

I sometimes see old comments Paige has made through this extended era and I wonder how one could keep from defending themselves as Paige claims she is doing. I don’t try to avoid self-defense too much. That is not a trait I have and not too, too many in my family have much of. One trait that I do have is an ability to look for alternative angles when obvious ones look to be futile. That once refined skill does often lead me towards improper solutions, but I digress. That one trait can and sometimes still does lead me towards solutions that most thought wouldn’t exist. Places like that are where good things can be found, so it is where I (too often) look. I, of course, don’t know what might happen to me from one week to the next. I could lose what I have or I could add to it, I don’t know. But I won’t be looking too close to a Stygian home and I still believe that I will win, Paige. I will give you your win by assuring that you have at least tied mother in for your battle against me that you have waged, to the best of my damaged recollection, from the earliest days of my recovery. I’m sure Paige was there for a few of the very early days when I couldn’t even speak, but she dangles my mother’s efforts during those times over my head as something that I have not shown proper appreciation for these past 6 years. I have tried but seem incapable of appreciating enough for her, for my mother and possibly a few more. All I can do now is show appreciation for things that are done now, which I have been doing when possible. So yea, I got mad and will almost certainly get mad again. That should be expected. A big difference is that my words of anger do more than just make other people mad. They clearly do that, of course. But that kettle of snakes and toads is being well monitored by at least one person.