The All Seeing Eye in the Sky

I have always fancied myself as one that could have written a decent eulogy for people if one were ever to be needed. I had always thought that might come to pass with my uncle Jimmy who so well shows that Culver physical ability with sports and now longevity. He was not gifted with any body to speak of and has legs of different lengths from birth. I'd go on for a bit, but the guy ain't dead yet. Could be bad luck or something to write an early eulogy. I couldn't write one now. I sure as hell couldnt deliver one vocally, not to mention I would be too concerned with my verbal delivery and not think enough about how my throat is physically.

The closest thing to a eulogy that I've done was a bit I did after Barry's passing in Tamarindo. That FB post is the bottom portion of this entry.

Grandmother clearly supplied much of Jimmy's ways. Having had those particular 2 people so close through such formative years in my life has been amazing. Maybe I'm trying to play with multiple eulogys or something. I seem to draw a line between their traits and every every Culver trait that I see. Having had done a good job on the following, I'll reshare my piece about Barry again in a moment.

I've spoken about a dream I had recently after my injury. Wierd dream and zone where I saw Barry in the afterlife and we cooly discussed my accident, the alcohol abuse as we sometimes did with his tremeandous weight of both philosophy and poundage. The man had no problem drawing lines between his weaknesses and anyone elses's. That is why we clicked so well and covered so much valuable ground. Barry Lawson was one of the most impressive people I could have ever met. His death broke my heart.

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Personally, I’ve found it increasingly noteworthy that a lot of the emotions that would be reasonably expected from hearing about this, I still have not experienced. Extreme anger and outrage would be expected. But I’ve not felt that. I haven’t even felt the degree of sadness that I thought I would. I’ve given myself time to process things and am no stranger to any of those feelings that, this time, never quite came

I’m pretty sure that I’ve never met such a perfect combination of sincere happiness, positivity, generosity and good intentions in my entire life as with Barry Lawson. It was very rare to see the man angry, and he never held on to it or dwelled in it. He was always happy and always helpful and was imeasurably sweet. Every photo that we’ve seen exudes that happiness.

Obviously, I wonder if that overwhelming good nature isn’t why I can’t experience a negative emotion when it comes to him. Sadness, anger and outrage don’t go with him. They are just never in the same room. Maybe that’s why I haven’t felt it. I’m not a very religious person, either; but I think there’s more to it than that. I think he still smiles, I think he still loves, and I think he is still influential and caring enough to see to it that we don’t carry too much negative weight around and that we aren’t too unhappy. I know Barry to do that.

I imagine that the first words out of his mouth, as he looked down were “those dirty sons of bitches.” But I’d bet that he turned his attention to where he always did, and still does. It was a truly lovely soul that was taken from us, and we should be upset about that. But I don’t feel hate - I’m thankful to not carry that burden. To some plain, I give Barry one more thank you for that.